The News 5

The Corvis Evening News :: Death and Horses!

A wonderful day at the races turned into a sad spectacle. After a day full of majestically ridden horses thundering their way around the track, making paupers of some, rich men of others and fools of most of us, the day came to a dark and cloudy end! With all eyes on the final event, Lady Dashingham’s pick once again won the day…and then the true horror of the day became apparent. Not only did a horse shatter it’s forelock and continue to race in spite of pain (coming a creditable fourth I might add), but the winner himself died moments after the race ended, apparently the beasts heart exploded… the effort too much, so everyone thought! However track officials were soon on the scene and skilled alchemists took a range of tests that apparently have shown that the horse was doped!

The Dashingham’s were visited at their residence by Commander Hellstrom himself, and what ever he said must have had a sharp impact as it was only hours later that the watch was called back to the residence and seen to remove a body from the house. A pale but composed Lady Dashingham was seen on the steps…so one can only assume that the body was that of his lordship!

You’re Nicked :: Don’t Do Drugs!

Yea you heard me! Commander Hellstrom says don’t do drugs…or you WILL BLOODY DIE even if your a horse! You Get It! Now contrary to popular gossip, his Lordship was not under charge!!! His Nibs had just had a quiet chat with Commander Hellstrom and apparently his guilty conscience was not too much for him and he did not blow his brains out! Noted body being taken from the Dashingham estate was one older servant who had lost his savings on a horse….and had been doing drugs!!! DRUGS WILL KILL YOU!!!

Trewman’s Corvis Flying Post :: Horror at the Races!

As any person that follows fashion will tell you! There are leaders, there are followers and there are, sadly for them, those that unfortunately, don’t quite get it. Now let us be quite clear, if you do not understand the latest fashions, ask a friend, please! It’s far better to suffer the slight embarrassment of needing friendly advice than being an eyesore. Whilst the Trewman will never stoop to name dropping, we would ask that if you know anyone that suffered a fashion failure at the races that you please, take them aside, and take them shopping! Please, it’s simply good manners to help a friend in need, so that the rest of us are not forced to endure their embarrassment!

The Corvis Tatler :: Fookin HELL!

WE WOZ AT TRACES TOTHER DAY AND IT WAS FOOKIN HELL! HIS NONCENESS WAS OUT WIT A GOBBER, YEA A FOOKEN GOBBBER, HEZ GONE SHAGGED AND DUMPED TELF! AND WORZ E WAS A TOTAL SHAG FESTING FOOKIN MESS! UTTER SHAMBLES! NOW IZ NOT BEEN ONE O DEM FASHUN GUROOS BUT HE WAS A FOOKIN MESS! NOW ON TO THE COOL BIT. DID YA SEE DEM ORSES KEEL OVER AND DIE! FOOKIN ORSUM! BLUD ALL OVER PLACE. FOOKIN TOFFS UP T NEKS IN BLUD! AND THEN DASHINAM OFFS HISSELF! WIKED!

The Corvis Evening News :: Entertainment Special

The Royal Blue Bird launches on her maiden voyage in just a weeks time, the rumours we have are that the lucky few to participate will be led from the pre launch diner, blindfold to the craft and not be allowed to peak until the ship is underway! Apparently those not on the trip will see the Royal Blue Bird in all her glory before the paying passengers do! And quite a sight we are expecting that to be!

Trewman’s Corvis Flying Post :: Charity Request.

Fashion murder aside. Lord Forsythe made an impassioned speech regarding the state of the environment around the city, while his intentions were quite right, the mess needs to be cleaned up as the stench is starting to spread, his goals seemed a little bit too much like hand outs to the poor and the layabouts. If the individuals outside the city can not fend for themselves in Corvis then they should move in to other towns! Corvis should not be made to suffer their inability to get on in life!

The Gaz :: Only Birds were meant to fly.

The crew of Lord Havermore’s latest invention were luck to escape with no more than some bruises and several broken bones as his Lordship was once again at the center of an experiment to prove that the facts are right and that crack pot ideas are not. The funding of the “The Motorized Bird Carriage Mark VII" ended up in much the same way as the first 6. Though one could claim it flew further thanks to the steeper road and assistance of a large mortar loaded in the back…however it could also be argued that it is the vehicle and crew, not just not the crew that are meant to travel the furthest.

You’re Nicked :: I’m on to you!

PAID AD: Griffons beware, feather plucking time is upon you! If I so much as see one bloody finger around his Lordships house I will fall on you like a might Colossal upon a bloody ant! Watch it! Skint!

The News 5

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